Mass Effect: I Will Never Surrender
by Xelestial7
Summary: Shepard endures the horrific consequences of her decision to Reject the choices the Catalyst imposed on her. The galaxy's fate will be one of their own making - but at what cost? One-Shot, FemShep x Garrus.


**Mass Effect Extended Cut: I Will Never Surrender**

_Author's Note: This was inspired by this piece: art/We-Are-310348890 (which is also the preview pic) as by this song: watch?v=re32xnyYP3A _

"SO BE IT."

The Catalyst's words rang out, sounding all too familiar.

_Harbinger? _

Shepard thought it had been the voice of the Reaper. But it didn't matter now. She had chosen the galaxy's fate – and that was the right to self-determination. Broken, burned and bleeding, Shepard limped slowly back to the elevator she had been risen up on while unconscious. She felt the life seeping out of her, felt her awareness fading.

_Tired…I'm so tired._

Shepard stumbled off of the elevator, barely catching herself. She walked over to Anderson's body and stood beside him for a moment. He looked peaceful. A part of her was glad he wouldn't have to see any of this. He'd already given up his entire life to fighting – just like Shepard, it seemed. Shepard sank down hard next to him. She knew it should have painful, but she felt more numb than anything.

"We did our best. No one can say we didn't fight. No one could say _I_ didn't fight until the last…" Shepard mumbled, staring out at the firefight outside the Citadel. Their ships were getting decimated. She hoped the Normandy had made it out all right.

And Garrus.

Shepard found herself remembering the look in his blue eyes as they had said farewell. He seemed as if he was trying to hold onto every single word between them, as if he were trying to remember every small detail about their farewell.

She didn't think anything in her life had more difficult than sending him away. Sending away Garrus, who always had been at her side when she needed him. Garrus, who had never had much good in his life. She sent him away and now Shepard was leaving him to die alone in this galaxy.

And now this - the freedom to die on their own terms - was her final gift to him. It was all she could give to him.

She found herself wondering if she had done the right thing. The explosions and gunfire she saw outside suddenly became an orange blur as her eyes clouded with tears. Her head drooped as she began to close her eyes. _I'm so sorry, Garrus._

Flashes of her closest friends - her only family - both living and gone flooded her mind's eye, unbidden. Shepard felt a rush of pain and regret, knowing she would never see them again in this life. She wondered if they would hate her for her decision.

_No._

They would not die the Reapers' servants or progress on the path the Reapers had created for them any longer. They would die…

Free.

As Shepard's lids fell, she tried to think of nothing but Garrus and all the happy times they had had together. But it wasn't enough and it was never going to be enough. She had hoped that the best was yet to come, but it seemed they would not get that chance. Finally, when Shepard was on the very edge of consciousness, she heard a voice.

"Not yet…you have to stay until the end."

The Catalyst's voice.

Shepard fought to open her eyes but darkness overtook her.

* * *

"SHEPARD!"

Shepard slowly opened her eyes. It was dim, but she could see a ceiling far above her, dotted with something she couldn't immediately identify.

_I'm…alive?_

She tried to move but immediately felt – wrong. Her aches and pains were still definitely there – it was much worse now in fact, and in new locations - but she felt stiff, sore and just…_wrong_. She looked down and saw that she was suspended in air, high above the ground. But that wasn't her main concern just now.

Shepard inhaled sharply as she saw cables wrapped around her. Cables going _through_ what remained of her armor. Through her arms, her legs, her stomach and her throat – almost everywhere. The ones wrapped around her were what was keeping her suspended above the ground. But the ones _in_ her….

"SHEPAAAARRRDDD!"

Shepard's attention snapped to the voice far below her. It was Garrus'. Someone – probably an indoctrinated guard- hit him and she tensed as she saw him go to the ground on his knees. He coughed and then looked up at her. She saw his jaw drop when he looked at her and she noticed then that Liara and most of the Normandy crew were there with him. They were in the front of a long line of possibly millions of people from various races, all crammed together on a long catwalk. Liara and everyone that Shepard could see was staring at her, as she hung up there like some sort of trophy for the Reapers. Suddenly Shepard felt… ashamed. She didn't want to be seen like this, some kind of sick hybrid of Reaper tech and whatever was left of her humanity. She was hardly better than a husk like this.

Shepard's eyes widened. A husk. That's why…that's why she was still alive. All of those cables had to be keeping her alive, maybe even turning her into some sort of cybernetic abomination. But why?

Shepard looked back down at Garrus, once again fighting back tears. The pain was nearly unbearable but in much of her body where the cabling ran thickest she felt nothing. But her physical pain wasn't why she wanted to cry. Though far above him, Shepard could see the pain in Garrus' eyes as he stared up at her. She didn't want to be seen this way, especially not by him. She'd rather die.

"Welcome back, Shepard." Shepard turned as much as she could bear toward the well-known voice. It was the Illusive Man's. Yet it was different, distorted somehow. She looked down and saw a bald figure in a suit rising on an elevator to a platform near her. When he walked off the elevator onto the platform, Shepard got a good look at him. Besides the voice, only two things told her it was the Illusive Man – or at least his body – standing before her: his glowing cybernetic eyes and his suit. The rest of his face and neck had no flesh on it any longer, and was instead covered in glowing circuitry. He stopped on the edge of the platform closest to her head.

"Wh-" Shepard started, raspy. She broke out into a painful cough and the Illusive Man made an expression akin to a smile.

"Now now Shepard, you're in a very…delicate position. You should take it easy. We don't want you to miss the main event."

"Screw you," she practically spat. "Why are you even alive? I saw you die!"

"I told you before Shepard. Cerberus is an idea, and I am Cerberus. You can't kill an idea." The Illusive Man said, tapping the side of his head.

Figuring she wasn't going to get a better answer, Shepard moved on. "What are you planning now? What are you going to do with them?" Shepard nodded toward the people below. The line was moving now, though she couldn't see to where. She couldn't see Garrus anymore. And that scared her.

"Aren't you even the slightest bit worried or at the very least – curious, about your own predicament?" The Illusive Man asked, seemingly amused.

"No. I died a long time ago and I'm still dead as far as I'm concerned. Whatever you've made me into or are making me into – it doesn't have anything to do with me."

The Illusive Man laughed. "Idealistic and stubborn to the last." He gestured to all the people below. "In only a week, the Reapers have finished off the bulk of the resistance and begun gathering all the Council races. It went much more quickly than expected since you called them all to Earth. And thanks to you Shepard, Reapers have chosen humanity to be uplifted. We will transcend mortality and become something larger than any of us can imagine. It's more than I could have hoped for when I resurrected you."

"You're completely deluded. You used to fight against the Reapers, and now you're praising them?" Shepard coughed. Her throat felt dry but she didn't feel hunger nor thirst oddly enough. "You sicken me."

"Yes, we've been through this many times Shepard. Due to your inaction, we lost the chance to control the Reapers. But because of your past actions, they've offered humanity a chance to join them and truly become great. And in that regard, you've done exactly as I wanted. But now your time as Shepard is over. The Reapers, like I, saw greatness in you. They don't want to let that go to waste, Shepard. You've been offered something no one else ever has been - a third chance at life to become immortal."

Shepard struggled against her cabling, ignoring the sharp, burning pain that came from her wounds around them. She wanted nothing more than to put her hands around the Illusive Man's throat and end his sorry existence. But then she remembered her crew and calmed down enough to ask another question.

"What's going to happen to my crew then? My team?"

"You mean out of whose left, I assume. Jack and Miranda are both dead, as well the Spectre and the soldier James Vega. The prothean decided to resist as well – not unexpectedly. Even Dr. Chakwas chose to resist and die rather than join us. The human members left that are fit to join us will be processed." The Illusive Man paused, searching his pockets absent-mindedly - likely for a cigar he no longer had any need of. "As for the aliens, well, the quarian didn't make it through the Reaper upgrades. The rest of the non-humans will undergo the enhancements and come to serve the Reapers. To serve humanity, Shepard. Like it always should have been."

Shepard simply hung there, horrified. She felt as if she'd been had the wind knocked out of her as she struggled to even inhale. The thought of Garrus turning into a Marauder… Liara as some sort of Banshee?

_What have I done?_

"I tried to save your crew for last Shepard, but some of the others are impatient. However, the asari and turian are still left. I even stopped all upgrades in this area for the moment, Shepard. I thought you deserved to be there when they ascend."

Shepard simply stared at the ceiling, frozen, looking up at what she realized was now trillions of pods like at the Collector Base. She couldn't see anymore, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. She had never felt more dejected and helpless in her entire life. The Great Commander Shepard, the First Human Spectre, Savior of the entire Galaxy…had failed. It was as simple as that. She was out time and out of ideas, and she might have made the worst mistake in the history of the galaxy. She had failed so utterly and miserably that she was bringing trillions of lives down with her into hell.

"Ah, they're starting." The Illusive Man signaled somewhere out of Shepard's peripheral vision and Shepard became vaguely aware that she was being lowered. She still couldn't process anything.

That is, until Liara's scream shattered the silence. Shepard jerked out of her stupor and fell against the cables, facing down now. An involuntary scream left her own mouth as the cables pulled at her insides and skin. But she didn't care. She needed to see what was happening to Liara - NOW.

Liara was doubled over on the floor, her teeth gritted, looking up at the guards standing over her. Shepard could see now that they were trying to drag her to the dragon's teeth up ahead.

"We… are… not… your… tools!" Liara said. Shepard looked over, wondering why Garrus wasn't stopping this and saw that he was on the ground again, a guard with one foot on top of him.

"Liara!" Shepard screamed out, desperate. Liara jerked her upward and looked at Shepard. In that moment their eyes met.

"I'm sorry," Shepard whispered hopelessly. Liara only looked back at her, but Shepard felt like she could somehow hear her saying _"Don't be,"_ inside her mind. In the next instant Liara let loose a biotic blast that pushed back every one around her, guards, civilians and the remnants of the Normandy crew. Shepard instinctively covered her face, and when she had uncovered it she saw that Liara was no longer there.

"It seems Dr. T'Soni had a penchant for drama." The Illusive Man commented above Shepard. Shepard stared at the spot where Liara had been standing and closed her eyes tight, angry at herself. "Continue," the Illusive Man told the guards, who were still picking themselves up. Two guards yanked Garrus up on his feet and his head simply hung down, swinging a little as if he were unconscious.

As they dragged him along toward the dragon's teeth, he slowly looked up at Shepard. She was watching Garrus, dangling limply. _No_, she mouthed, shaking her head. Garrus abruptly stopped walking then, coming to a complete halt and surprising the guards. He punched one in the face and elbowed the other off the cat walk. He grabbed a pistol from the incapacitated guard and tossed it upwards to Shepard as others swarmed him. Surprised, but reacting quickly to his cue, Shepard dived painfully to grab the heavy pistol and caught it by its barrel. All at once chaos broke out amongst everyone who had been watching, whether they were civilian or soldier, human or salarian. With this last act of defiance from their former defenders, they began attacking and resisting their guards.

"Shepard, now!" Garrus cried out from beneath the guards that were on top of him. Shepard - with her body numb yet some parts still aflame - pulled from some hidden reserve of strength just as she had when she had to say farewell at the beam. Her whole body shook, but she forced her arm to be steady, knowing this was all she could do for him now. And so, for the first time in her life Shepard targeted Garrus in her sights. He was covered in bodies but he elbowed and kicked them off him until he broke free. He made a break for the edge of the catwalk, closest to her.

"Meet me at the bar?" Garrus asked with a half-smile. He held his side with one hand, but extended his other arm out toward her.

Shepard tried to smile, voice breaking as she tried to reach out to him. "Of course. There's no Shepard without Vakarian, remember?" As the guards realized what was happening and detangled themselves to grab Garrus, Shepard put her hand on the trigger and stared into his blue eyes for the last time.

"I love you," she whispered as hot tears dropped from her face down to the abyss below.

"I love you too." Garrus said, closing his eyes. Shepard closed her own eyes and pulled the trigger. As the shot rang out and Garrus fell, without opening her own eyes Shepard pointed the gun at her own head.

"Shepard, wait!" The Illusive Man's voice rang out. Shepard only smiled and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Shepard opened her eyes, gasping. When they focused she saw that Garrus was there, lying next to her. He was awake, gazing at her. "Bad dream?"

Shepard put her arm around him and Garrus pulled her closer to him.

"I…I don't know. A dream…or a vision…or maybe some other lifetime. But I don't care what it was. Doesn't matter. All that does is that we're together."

"Always". Garrus said.

Shepard nodded. "Always."


End file.
